Vicissitude
by Bombshell1701
Summary: The Avengers add to their ranks, as some of the current line-up struggle with the twists and turns life takes. Running concurrently to "Notes From a Royal Screw-up" -I hope you'll read both series because they're intertwined. T for now, possible M on some later chapters. Thank you for reading!
1. We Will Rock You

**Vicissitude**

**Chapter One**

"Well, look what the cat dragged in" Tony drawled, a huge grin on his face.

He ambled towards the armoured figure who had just landed on the terrace of the Stark Tower. The faceplate of the suit slid back with a hum, and Colonel James Rhodes smirked right back at him.

****"Yeah, you missed me" Rhodey slung.

****"Oh, every day" Tony said, wide eyed. "But I gotta ask, what the hell did you do to my suit?" He walked around Rhodes, casting a critical eye over the re-engineered Mark II armour Rhodes was piloting.

****"_Your_suit?" Rhodey said, indignant. "No, no, no, this is my baby now. I love this suit. You are never gettin' it back!"

****Tony poked and prodded the armour, brows drawn together "I can't believe you went with a shoulder-mounted mini gun" he muttered, examining the weapon protruding from the right shoulder of the suit. "That is _so_last year."

****"I rock this look" Rhodey said.

****"Uh huh" Tony said. "How's the Arc holding up?"

****"That's what I wanted to see you about. I think the cycles could be improved, but I didn't want to do any tinkering..."

****"Yeah, I'll take a look" Tony said, gesturing up to the landing pad. "Hop on up there, we'll get you disassembled, then I'll give you a tour of my new digs, here" he gestured expansively to the Stark Tower, now also known as the Avenger's Tower. "Seeing as you've been too busy to visit..."

****Rhodey smiled "Yeah, sorry, deployment's a bitch."

****The faceplate of the War Machine armour clanged shut, and Rhodey lifted smoothly off the terrace and lined up with the landing pad. The machines engaged, and with a gentle whirring of gears, unbuilt the suit as Rhodey walked along the platform. He looked around at the machinery as this happened, impressed and exasperated.

****"Some of the ideas that come out of that brain of yours" he muttered. Tony grinned.

****Unburdened, Rhodey stepped down off the platform, and a thought suddenly seemed to come to him.

****"Oh hey, here's something I've been wondering- maybe you can help settle a bet I have with an Air Force buddy of mine: Do you think it would be possible to land a Quinjet on your helicopter pad?" Rhodey gestured to the large platform below them.

****Tony gave Rhodey a puzzled look. "Possibly. But why would anyone want to? Or more to the point, who would be crazy enough to try that?"

****Rhodey grinned, and Tony got a sinking feeling in his stomach. The feeling only increased when he realised he could hear the not-too distant roar of jet engines. Getting closer.

****"Uh, no" Tony said flatly. Rhodey's grin increased. Tony looked out across the city, and to his extreme distress, a Quinjet banked sharply around a corner and began barrelling down Park Avenue.

****"Rhodey! What the hell?" Tony demanded.

****"Relax. It's Danvers. There's nothing with wings she can't fly"

****"It's not the flying I'm worried about- it's the landing! You know I just got this place refurbished, right?" Tony said with a mix of annoyance and amazement.

The Quinjet lifted, its VTL engines pivoting downwards, and slowly it eased down; a perfect landing was executed right in the centre of the helipad. The Quinjet only just fit in the space.

****"If your buddy there just burned my helipad, I'm making you get up there with Scrubbing Bubbles to fix it" Tony warned.

****Rhodey chuckled, and slapped Tony on the back. The two men took the elevator down to the helipad deck, and waited. Eventually the back hatch of the jet opened, and the pilot emerged down the ramp.

****"I was right, Rhodey, she fits" she called. She stopped at the bottom of the ramp and looked around at the somewhat precarious position the Quinjet occupied on the too-small helipad. "Only just. But still, you owe me!"

****She scooted carefully around the side of the Quinjet and made her way over to Rhodey and Tony. Rhodey grinned and laughed, and Tony simply shook his head.

****"Tony, you remember Captain Carol Danvers? One of my Air Force protégées"

****"Captain" Tony murmured, reaching out to shake the blonde woman's hand. "Hell of a landing. You're quite the marvel."

****"Thank you, Mister Stark" she answered, returning the handshake with a confident grip. "You don't mind that I landed here, right? I was going to land on the roof, but then I saw the _no parking_ sign."

****"I'll let you know if I see a parking inspector" Tony said dryly.

****Tony gestured for the two Air Force officers to join him inside. Back up in his living quarters, he stepped behind the bar with the intent of pouring himself a large, stiff drink, when Steve burst out of the elevator.

****"Did someone just land a jet on the helipad? I was coming up East 45th on my bike and-" he broke off to stride over to the window, looking down. His mouth fell open.

"Wow" was all that he managed.

****Tony couldn't help but grin. "Steve, you've met Colonel Rhodes, but the _ms._ marvel of a pilot, there, is Captain Carol Danvers, of the US Air Force. Danvers, this is the one-and-only Captain Steven Rogers."

****It was Carol's turn to look gobsmacked. Steve broke off from staring at the jet to turn and shake Carol's hand. "Captain" he greeted.

****"Captain" she returned. She stared at him, broke off to glance at Rhodey, who smiled mildly at her. "What an honour" she said, staring at Steve wide eyed. She caught herself, looked away and shook her head. "I'm sorry, sir. It's just that... my family is military, have been for several generations, so I grew up on stories about you..."

****"I... yeah" Steve shrugged "It's nice to be so highly regarded, even after all this time" he answered modestly. "That was some seriously nice flying" he said, shifting the conversation away from himself.

****"Yeah, she handles like a dream" Carol said, looking down at the jet.

****"Is that the new X-5 Quinjet?" came a voice from behind them. They all startled and whipped around. Clint Barton had come into the room completely silently and was wandering toward the window to ogle at the jet.

****"You need to put a bell on him" Rhodey muttered to Tony.

****"She's a beauty" Clint sighed, looking enviously at the jet. "How come you got to fly her?" he asked suspiciously, frowning at Carol.

****"Because she's the Air Force's baby" Carol said with a satisfied smirk. "I'm sure SHIELD will get one... eventually."

****Clint bristled at the barb, and Rhodey had to cover his mouth with his hand to hide his grin. Tony rolled his eyes.

****"Carol, why don't you be nice and show Agent Barton your shiny new toy?" Tony said slowly, as though he were talking to naughty children.

****"Please?" Clint said with as much politeness as he could muster. Carol glanced at Rhodey, and, still suppressing a grin, he nodded.

****"C'mon" Carol said kindly, gesturing for Clint to follow her.

****"Take Rogers with you" Tony suggested. "You can show him where you stow the parachutes."

****Steve shrugged, not sure if he was being teased or not, and followed Carol and Clint.

****Tony and Rhodey watched the trio disappear into the elevator, and then looked back towards Rhodey's War Machine suit.

****"Our toys are better" Tony said decisively.

****"_Way_ better" Rhodey agreed.

… … … …

_Author's notes: It occurred to me when I was writing "_Notes From a Royal Screw-up_" that a lot of the material I wanted to explore wasn't going to work within Loki's storyline. And so, an unexpected new series was born. This is going to run concurrently with "_Notes"_ and I'm going to do that horrible comic book thing where there's going to be cross-over between the series and you're probably gonna have to read both... don't hate me, that's the only way I can make it all fall into place! Both series are leading up to another major series that will tie up everything. So, stay tuned. Also, I thought it would be fun to bring to bring Rhodey and Danvers into the fold. Go take a look at my Pinterest board if you want to see who I have in mind as Danvers. And why not follow me on Twitter? _**Bombshell1701****  
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	2. The Show Must Go On

**Vicissitude**

**Chapter Two**

"Need a spot?" Steve asked.

"Nah, I'm good" Clint breathed. He pushed the barbell up off the stand and did a rapid set of reps.

"You kinda disappeared after Captain Danvers showed us the jet, I wasn't sure where you'd gotten to" Steve said casually.

"Came here to atone for my sins" Clint sighed, putting the barbell back into its cradle.

Steve smiled slightly and nodded. "Haven't seen you around here much lately"

"Haven't been around much" Clint let his arms fall by his sides.

"SHIELD got you working on anything?"

"Nope" Clint said, taking up the barbell again.

_Well, this was going badly_. Steve sighed. "Clint, this is your home, too. And I'm sorry if you've been... scared off since we brought Loki back with us."

"I'm not scared of him, don't worry" Clint said, irritated. "Me not being around here means Nat isn't around here either. And that's good for Loki's health and safety."

"I don't want anyone to be uncomfortable-"

"That's a _Kobayashi Maru_" Clint muttered. Steve looked at him askance. "Never mind" Clint muttered.

"I think maybe you feel a little betrayed by the team..." Steve hazarded, laying it all out.

"No. Not betrayed..." Clint trailed off.

"What then?"

Clint slowly sat up, thinking hard. He shook his head. "I don't know. I can't put it into words. I don't feel betrayed, but... none of this sits quite right with me."

"I understand"

"No, you don't" Clint said simply. "And I don't expect you to. It is what it is" he shrugged.

Steve felt completely wrong-footed, and he didn't know how to make things right.

"I need to know, Clint... if you feel like you can continue to be part of the Avengers? I need to know that you can be relied upon when bad stuff is happening. We have to be able to work as a team-"

Clint looked at him, mildly annoyed. "You relied upon me just fine for the battle of New York, and that was, what, thirty minutes after I'd been Loki's minion. If I could function then, I can function now."

"Yes, but our 'family' situation has changed, and that's got to be strange for you. If you've got... what do they call it now? Not shell shock...?"

Clint's brow furrowed "Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?"

"Yes. If you've got PTSD, it could be a problem."

"I got cleared by the shrinks at HQ" Clint said flatly.

Steve nodded "Months ago. But... having Loki around... the stress of being on Asgard... the ongoing stress of being on the team... it could hit you at any moment, when you least expect it-"

"Gee, thanks for putting that idea in my head, Cap" Clint said dryly.

"You know what I mean" Steve said gravely.

"It's not going to be a problem. Loki is not going to be a problem, as long as he keeps his distance" Clint said in a tight voice.

Steve drew in a deep breath; he knew Clint was not going to like this.

"I trust you Clint, but for the sake of the team, and for your own good... I want you to talk to someone."

"I already did that" Clint said slowly.

Steve shook his head "Not since we got back from Asgard. This is a new situation, it needs to be handled. I want you to set up an appointment with someone. Everything you tell them is confidential. I just want you to talk it out before it becomes a problem."

Clint looked at him narrowly.

"Hey, it's not just you, all right. I have to talk to the shrink every week. Standard Operating Procedure... it helps, maybe just little" Steve admitted with a tiny shrug.

"Whatever gets you through" Clint muttered. He lay back down on the bench and grabbed the barbell. Steve silently watched him go through a set of reps, and wandered off, no real idea if he'd gotten through to the enigmatic man.


	3. Somebody To Love

**Vicissitude**

**Chapter Three**

"You want to get out of here for a while?" Steve asked.

Loki nodded gravely.

"Okay, I've got some errands to run, and you can come with me. Nothing exciting, but I figure you could use some fresh air. But you have to stick with me, and you have to behave" Steve warned.

"I swear" Loki typed with a straight face.

…

"So, welcome to the joys of mass transit" Steve said, as he handed Loki a travel pass. Loki was looking around the subway with an expression of abject horror on his face.

"_Do you not have a private vehicle we could have travelled in instead?_" he wrote.

"Well, I have my motorcycle, but you would have looked silly sitting on the pillion seat and holding my waist" Steve said dryly.

Loki raised his eyebrows and didn't argue that point. "_What are we doing today?_"

"Heading out to Brooklyn. I need a haircut, and there's a barber there I found that I like."

Loki eyed Steve's hair dubiously, and Steve returned the speculative look. "You know, you could really do with a haircut. You're starting to look like a pirate."

"_No thank you_" Loki typed. "_I'm not letting whoever cuts _your_ hair touch _mine."

"Don't like my hair?" Steve said casually.

"_You have an old man's haircut. No offence or anything_."

"Oh, no, none taken" Steve said with raised eyebrows.

"_Actually no- you have the same kind of floppy mop as that dolt, Fandrel._"

Steve folded his arms across his well-muscled chest. "I met Fandrel, and I thought he was pretty cool."

Loki just raised his eyebrows.

Steve sighed and shook his head.

…

"_I retract my previous comment_" Loki typed.

"Oh?" Steve almost hated to ask.

"_You do not _just_ have old man hair, you have old man clothing, too, apparently_" Loki gestured around the room to the other patrons of the barber shop. Most of them were in their twilight years, and were, indeed, dressed in a similar fashion to Steve.

"I can, and will, hold you down and let them cut your hair" Steve threatened quietly.

"_Never mind_" Loki wrote with a smirk.

...

They'd taken a little more off the top than Steve liked, but he figured his hair would grown back pretty quickly. He ran his hand through it to dry it off as they walked in the sunshine.

"Ready for lunch?" he asked Loki. Loki nodded, his dark hair still as long as it had been; Steve hadn't been able to talk him into having even so much as a trim.

"Good. There's a sandwich shop by here that does amazing meatball foot-longs."

Loki gave Steve a questioning look.

"It's a kind of food" Steve said, frowning. "You'll like it, trust me."

They'd almost reached the sandwich shop when Steve looked back over his shoulder, a curious expression on his face. Loki looked expectantly at him.

"I think someone is following us" Steve muttered.

Loki turned to look, and at first didn't see anyone, but then a woman with an intense look of concentration on her face hurried through the crowd and caught up with them.

"Wow, you guys are fast walkers! I've been chasing you for two blocks!" she breathed.

"Ma'am?" Steve questioned. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine!" She assured him. "Or at least, I might be... please tell me you're both new in town and don't have an agent yet" she said in a pleading tone.

Loki's mind immediately went to Agent Romanoff and Agent Barton, but he didn't think that was what the woman had in mind.

Neither did Steve. "An _agent_?"

"A modelling agent." She looked Steve up and down with a keen eye, and then did the same to Loki. "Or are you actors? It's okay if you are, a lot of actors start out modelling. The pay is very good."

"I... _what_... ma'am?" Steve muttered. "We're not models."

She let out an enormous sight of relief. "So you haven't signed with anyone? Oh, hallelujah! As soon as I saw the both of you, I knew you'd both be perfect! But then I figured you're probably already signed to someone. This is our lucky day, huh? Discovered outside a sub sandwich shop in Brooklyn, how about that!" she enthused.

Steve and Loki both gaped at her, completely stunned.

"Hey, there's no need to look worried, guys, I'm completely legit. No porn or anything nasty like that, I swear!" She reached into her purse. "Here's my business card. See? This is a major agency. Check out our website if you're not sure."

Steve and Loki continued to stare, open-mouthed.

"Now, we'll have to get some headshots, but don't worry. I can tell both of you are major finds, so the agency can take care of the cost." She beamed at them. "Oh, this is like Christmas!"She looked hard at Loki. "Your bone structure is absolutely to die for, and that wiry, hipster look is really in for men right now."

Loki looked at Steve for guidance and found none.

"And you-" she'd turned her scrutiny on to Steve. 'Your waist-to-shoulder ratio, and those legs! Perfect for underwear modelling."

Steve was slack-jawed at this news.

"Okay. Well, I'm so glad we got to have this chat. And I'm serious, guys. You two are a find, trust me. Call me, we'll set up a meeting."

She reached up and gave both of them a friendly squeeze on their arms, and then walked off, a spring in her step.

Loki and Steve just stared at each other. Slowly, Loki took the jotter out of his pocket.

"_What in the name of the Nine Realms was_ that?"

Steve shook his head. "I don't know..."

…

Bruce studied the card. "You probably shouldn't mention this to Tony. He'll just give you a hard time."

"Shouldn't mention _what_ to me?" Tony said, breezing into the room.

"Oh, hell" Bruce breathed. He tried to casually slip the card into his pocket, but Tony saw, and pointed at him.

"What are you bozos up to?" Tony demanded.

Steve folded his arms and said nothing. Bruce leaned back on the counter and said nothing.

Loki started typing. "_We were spotting by something called a _modelling agent, _and she wants us to be models. Apparently I have cheekbones to die for, and Captain Rogers should be an underwear model_."

Tony read the note. He pressed his lips together so hard they almost disappeared. Then he covered his mouth with his hands. His shoulders began to shake with suppressed laughter

.

"Oh, geez, Loki. Why did you have to tell him?" Steve grumbled. "He's just gonna laugh at us."

The shaking spread to Tony's entire body, and tears welled in his eyes. Finally, he couldn't hold it in any long, and gave a great whoop of laughter. He grabbed his stomach and laughed and laughed.

Bruce sighed and rolled his eyes, giving Steve an apologetic look. Steve just frowned and shook his head. "It's not _that_ funny."

"Oh. God. Yes. It is" Tony gasped. He staggered over to a kitchen chair and dropped into it, still laughing.

"_Hilarious_" Loki typed, his lips pursed.

Finally, Tony brought himself under tenuous control. He stared at Loki, mouth open.

"It's perfect!" he cried. He looked at Steve. Steve scowled at him.

"No! I'm serious! Don't you get it? He would be _perfect_!" he gestured to Loki, who looked openly puzzled.

"What do fashion models do?" Tony asked. "They get dressed up in fancy clothes, and sit around all day looking haughty and arrogant. They don't have to say or do anything other than look freakishly attractive." He made a dramatic presentation gesture at Loki with his hands.

Bruce looked thoughtful. "That's actually a good point" he said lightly.

"And _you_, Captain Spangles! Those cornflower blue eyes! That flawless complexion! Those abs you could grate carrots on!"

"Shut up, Tony" Steve grumbled.

Tony dissolved into a fit of laughter again. He put his head down on the table.

A thought came to Steve, and he looked speculatively at Loki. "Although..." he muttered.

Loki looked at him suspiciously "_What?_" he typed.

Steve studied Loki. "I would never have thought of it before, but... your bone structure _is _pretty amazing. And you've got good musculature."

Loki frowned at him.

"And given that you have no problem being naked in front of people you don't know... you could probably get work as an artist's model" Steve shrugged.

"That's also not a bad idea" Bruce said.

Tony's laughing fit abruptly ended, and he sat up. He looked curiously at Steve. "You wanna draw him like one of your French girls?" Tony quipped. Steve ignored him.

"They're always looking for artist's models at the community college" Steve said with a shrug. "Pays about twenty an hour, which is better than working in a convenience store. Plus, you don't have to talk, which, all things considered, is a good thing..."

"_What would I have to do?_" Loki asked.

"Well, when I've done life drawing classes-"

"-Wait! You've seen strangers in the_ nude_? Captain! I'm ashamed" Tony interrupted.

Steve rolled his eyes and persevered. "The model is usually unclothed, so you can see the lines of their body, and they stand or sit in different poses, for anywhere from a minute to a couple of hours, depending on what the study is" Steve explained.

Loki shrugged. "_I could do that_" he wrote.

Steve considered him. "You'd get bored, though. You have to be prepared to just sit there, or stand there, or twist yourself into different positions to make your form interesting to draw."

Tony snorted. "And don't forget to smile for the camera!"

He was fixed with three withering looks.

"I'll talk to the Arts department head at the college, find out if they need anyone."

Loki mouth pursed. "_Won't you be bashful if you have to see me naked for a prolonged period in one of your classes_?" he typed with a smirk.

"I've already seen you naked. I'm done worrying about it. Besides, I'm focusing on illustration this term, not figure drawing." Steve shot back.

"Bravo!" Tony cried. "And here I was, thinking I'd have to get him a street performer's permit so he could be a mime!"

Loki, Steve and Bruce all sighed.

…

Steve had never gotten his meatball sub; he and Loki were so bemused by the woman's request that they had fled back to the safety of Stark Tower without eating.

He was starving, and his stomach growled loudly. He happily left Tony's mocking and Loki's smugness and Bruce's gentle amusement and headed to the elevator.

"Hey there!" Carol Danvers greeted him with the elevator doors opened.

"Captain Danvers" Steve nodded as he stepped into the car.

"Please, call me Carol. I'm not in uniform today" she told him.

He smiled and nodded. "I didn't realise you were staying in the building."

"Yeah, Tony gave me and Rhodey guest rooms up top. Much better than the Air Force or SHIELD digs."

"I agree" Steve said with a wry smile.

"Heading out for the evening?" She enquired.

"The guys are driving me crazy, I needed a break. Just going to grab something to eat."

"Me too. I got caught up writing a report and skipped lunch. Blood sugar is about to crash."

The elevator reached the ground floor, and Carol and Steve stepped out into the lobby.

"Is there anywhere especially good around here to eat?" Carol asked.

"Well, I like _Whistle Stop_, it's over near Grand Central Station. Why don't you join me?" Steve offered.

"Sounds good" Carol agreed.

Steve smiled, and they walked off together in companionable silence.

"Hey, Carol?" Steve suddenly said. 'What does _waist-to-shoulder_ _ratio_ mean, and why is it a good thing?"

… … … …

_Author's notes: My reaction when I came up with this idea was very much like Tony's reaction, only I was on public transport at the time. It's okay... I like sitting by myself! A little over-the-top? Maybe. But I can genuinely imagine that happening._

_And I accept no responsibility for at the fangirl/fanboy brain explosions the mental imagery of posingnude!Loki conjures. You're welcome ;)_

_Follow me on Twitter or check out my Pinterest boards!_ **Bombshell1701**


	4. Another One Bites The Dust

**Vicissitude**

**Chapter Four: Another One Bites the Dust**

Clint was not the least bit surprised to find Natasha in his apartment, sprawled on his couch, when he got back from his workout.

"Hey" he greeted her casually. "Mission go okay?"

She made a face "Not exactly to plan, but we did what we needed to do, and without a body count, so..." she trailed off.

Clint listened to her as he walked into his tiny kitchen. He opened the fridge and pulled out two cans of coconut juice. He walked back into the living room and tossed one to her, and then sat down next to her on the couch. She rearranged herself, using his thighs as her footrest.

'What's the news around these parts?" she asked, sipping her juice.

"Saw the X5 Quinjet" he said casually.

"Yeah?" she asked "Plans to steal it?"

"Formulating some" he said with a grin.

"How does it stack up?"

"Better in every way. Smaller, faster, easier to handle, weapons upgrades that make me want to weep. Turns on a dime, too, apparently" Clint explained.

"So who was showing it off?" Natasha demanded.

"Danvers" Clint said with a hint of bitterness. "Air Force got the prototype. She and Colonel Rhodes came to town so SHIELD could get a looksie."

"Carol and Rhodey are in town? I better stop by and say hello" Natasha said. Suddenly she snapped her fingers. "Damn it, I need to introduce Carol to Steve."

"They met already. She gave him the tour, too."

Natasha's eyebrows lifted. "How did he go?"

Clint looked blankly at his best friend. "Fine."

"You mean he was able to engage her in conversation with turning beet red and stuttering?"

"Ohh" Clint intoned. "I see." He thought for a moment. "No, he was fine. They talked shop. He was perfectly okay..."

"Was she in uniform?" Natasha asked, frowning.

"Well, yeah. Flight suit"

"There you go. Women in uniform he can _mostly_ handle" Natasha sighed, looking annoyed. "Of course, even in uniform she's a knock-out" she added with a smirk. "That skin-tight flight suit, those _dangerous_ curves." She poked Clint in the leg with a toe.

"Don't know what you're talking about" Clint said casually, retaliating by flicking Natasha in the kneecap. "And I'm sure the Cap didn't notice either, he too much of a gentleman."

Natasha snorted. "Guy has eyes. He's too much of a gentleman to leer or say anything- I'm surprised he didn't just flat-out faint."

Clint laughed, thoroughly glad Natasha was back. They drank their juices in companionable silence for several minutes.

"You ever think about... taking a break, going on vacation?" Clint said casually.

Natasha had been waiting for this.

"We go on vacations" she said mildly, coaxing him out.

"Extended vacation. Sabbatical."

Natasha nodded slowly.

"We spend so much time supposedly keeping things in check on this rock, and we never... we never take time to actually see the world we're always saving."

"Good point" Natasha admitted.

Clint nodded and they lapsed back into silence.

"So, where would you go?" Natasha asked.

Clint shrugged. "New Zealand?"

"New Zealand" Natasha repeated, smiling. "What's in New Zealand, apart from Hobbits?"

Clint thought about it. "Mountains. Wine. White water rafting. Black water rafting. Geothermal hot springs. Kayaking. Zorbing."

Natasha looked at him, disgusted "Zorbing? Seriously, Barton? Bungy I would get, but Zorbing? Why don't you just let me stuff you into the washing machine and put it through the spin cycle?"

Clint chuckled.

After a moment Natasha asked him "You serious? You wanna take a trip?"

Clint took a minute to answer her. "Just thinking it might be good to get the hell out of Dodge for a while, you know?"

Natasha's jaw tightened. "Somebody say something to you?"

Clint sighed "Got a mini-lecture from the Cap. He wants me to go back to the head shrinker. I think a holiday is a much better option."

"I agree" Natasha said quietly. "And New Zealand is about as far away as you can get from here, huh?"

"Exactly" Clint nodded.

Natasha watched him. "If you want a travel buddy... I have leave owing."

"But... taking a leave from SHIELD is one thing... both of us off the team?" Clint raised an eyebrow.

It was Natasha's turn to sigh. "They might just have to deal with it."

Clint didn't look comfortable, but he kept quiet.

"I'm not backpacking" Natasha said suddenly. "No hostels."

"Why the hell not? We can totally handle roughing it" Clint said.

"I know. But missions are one thing. My vacation is something else entirely. No bunk beds. No communal showers. No 90-pound packs. I travel in style."

"Baby" Clint huffed.

…

"Hey, I was walking past a travel agent, and look what I picked up" Natasha said. She brandished a stack of magazines at Clint. He took them and flipped through them. They were brochures on touring New Zealand.

"Oh" Clint said, surprised. "Thanks."

"Thought you might want to do some planning. Once we apply for time off, of course."

"Uh, yeah" Clint said awkwardly, rubbing his neck.

"You don't want to go to New Zealand now? What, Australia instead? Japan?"

Clint shrugged "I was kinda just talking out of my ass the other day, Nat."

"No you weren't" Natasha said with a frown.

Clint swallowed hard. "We can't just... take off from the team. Not both of us, not at the same time."

"Okay. So, _you_ take a break, go to the Antipodes, and send me a postcard while I cover your ass."

Clint avoided her eyes, busying himself with tidying his locker. "It's okay, Nat. Look, I just ended up making an appointment with the shrink. I'll go talk it all out, put Steve's mind at ease, and we can all be one big, happy, good-looking family again."

"Right" Natasha drawled. "That's the reset button."

She reached past him and tucked the magazines into his locker. "For when you're ready to do something for _yourself_."

She walked off, and Clint let her go without saying anything. He took the brochures out of his locker, flicked through them again, and then jammed them back in, closing his locker harder than was strictly necessary.

… … … ….

"So. What the hell was that?" Steve asked calmly.

"Saw a shot, took it" Clint said simply.

"You put yourself in the direct line of fire-"

"We all put ourselves in the _direct line of fire_ every time we go out-" Clint interrupted, irritated.

"I told you to find cover and stay there while Hulk handled it-" Steve spoke over him.

"Hulk's back was turned, that thing came out to take a shot... but I got it first" Clint insisted.

"You were _right out_ in the open, Clint!" Steve said, frustrated.

"Nat had my back. Stark was up top. It was a calculated risk."

Steve considered him for a moment. "You've been taking a lot of those lately."

"Sure. And they seem to pay off."

Neither of them was going to back down. They stared at each other.

"You've skipped training twice this week."

"Keeping count, huh?" Clint said casually.

"Of course. That's part of my job. And part of yours, too."

"What do you want from me,Cap? I'm _doing_ my job. I'm doing two jobs, actually. SHIELD and Avengers. And at your insistence I've been seeing the psychiatrist again."

Steve considered this, and nodded slowly. "That's good, Clint... But maybe I'm asking too much of you at the moment."

"I think I know what I can handle and what I can't, thanks, Cap" Clint said sarcastically.

"Really? You keep acting out your frustrations in the field and you're going to get yourself hurt. Or killed. Or you're get someone else hurt."

Clint's hands closed into fists. His mouth pressed into a thin, angry line. "Then take me off the roster" he challenged.

Steve stared hard at the other man, his back tensing. "You're part of our team, Clint. We value what you bring, your skill and ingenuity. But for everyone's sake I have to be able to trust you, and I cannot put you out there if you're going to be reckless."

"Then I don't want to be out there if my team mates aren't going to trust my judgement."

Steve frowned deeply. "I _don't _trust your judgement, Clint. That's a serious problem."

"Well then," Clint said, shrugging. "I think we both have an answer."

Steve reached out and placed a hand on Clint's forearm, but Clint gave him such a look that Steve let his hand drop again. "Take some time, Clint. Do whatever you need to do to get back into a good head-space. You're an Avenger, and there will always be a place for you on the team when you want it."

"Whatever" Clint muttered, walking away.

...

"Did you just break up with Barton?" Tony asked casually.

"Shut up, Tony" Steve muttered, in no mood to be polite.

Tony wasn't phased, but he turned and studied the blonde man. "It probably needed to be done" he said simply.

Steve nodded sadly.

"I mean, when_ I _start thinking someone's being reckless..."

"Yep" Steve sighed.

"Suspending Barton means you've thrown the balance of the team off, though. You're gonna have to replace him, if only temporarily."

Steve sighed heavily "I was just thinking that." He looked speculatively at Tony. "Do you think Colonel Rhodes would be interested in joining our super-secret boyband?"

Tony grinned at Steve. "I know for a fact that he'd love to. But you're overlooking one other problem... you just fired your pilot. You and Nat and Bruce are going to have to hitch-hike from now on."

Steve thought for a moment. "Maybe not..."

…

Steve found Carol in the kitchen of the upper guest quarters, making a club sandwich. She smiled at him when he walked in, but the smile dropped of her face when she saw his serious expression.

"What's wrong, Cap?" she asked.

"I need to ask you something... but I'm worried it will overstep our friendship" Steve began.

Carol set the butter knife down, and gave him her full attention.

"I don't need an answer straight away, if you want to think about it... But if you feel uncomfortable, or if you think it compromises anything, I don't want you to feel obligated..."

"Okay..." Carol said uncertainly, a small smile forming on her lips.

"Would you like to join the Avengers?" Steve asked.

Carol stared at him for a few seconds, and then blinked. "Wait. What?" she asked.

"I'm sorry to put you on the spot" Steve apologised.

"No... It's... that's fine" Carol managed.

"I really admire you- everyone on the team thinks you're great. You're an amazing pilot, I think you'd be an asset to the team" Steve said earnestly.

"Then, I accept" Carol said graciously.

Steve beamed at her. "Really? That's swell. You're really helping me out- the _team_- you're helping the _team_ out" Steve explained, reaching out to shake Carol's hand.

"Glad to be a part of the _team_, then..." Carol said with a grin.

"Welcome to the Avengers" Steve told her.

… … … ...

_Author's notes: Don't panic! Clint is still going to be around, and he'll get back on the roster in a big way, he just has a few things to work through first. Stay tuned. _

_Also:_ Zorbing_. Look it up on YouTube if you don't know what it is. Looks like fun, but very similar to being put through the wash. Or jettisoned from the Helicarrier._

_From here on in the storytelling is going to be alternating between this series and it's counterpart, "Notes from a Royal Screw-up," so be sure to follow that, too, and everything will make sense. Honest._


	5. We Are the Champions

Note: This chapter follows on from Chapter 7 of "Notes From a Royal Screw-up" which is here:

s/8540118/7/Notes-From-A-Royal-ScrewUp -read that first. Thanks.

Also, this chapter is rated M for language.

**Vicissitude**

**Chapter Five – We are the Champions**

"You lying son-of-a-bitch" Tony Stark said, as he slammed into the room.

Nick Fury didn't look up from his tablet. "Good morning to you, too, Stark."

Tony strode over to Fury's desk, grabbed the tablet from Fury's hands, and threw it onto the ground.

This got Fury's attention. In an instant he was on his feet, toe to toe with the enraged Stark.

"What the hell is your problem today?" Fury demanded.

"I know that Coulson's alive" Tony said in a dangerously low voice.

Fury's expression gave away nothing, but he considered Tony for a moment. "Well, I'm surprised Loki kept that one to himself for so long."

Tony stepped back and just stared at Fury, not trying to hide the expression of betrayal he knew was in his eyes.

"You lied to us. I understand why you did it, but goddamn it, Fury! You don't get to play god like that! Do you have any idea-" Tony broke off. He was so angry and exasperated he couldn't continue. He paced angrily for a moment. Fury patiently watched him.

"You have no idea how badly Pepper took it." Tony pushed out a sigh. "And we all felt like... we all had his blood on our hands- his death on our consciences, you _prick_. You should have told us he was alive. We got the job done for you, we got together as a team, like you wanted. It was the least you could have done..."

Fury held up a hand in an almost placating gesture. "I thought he was dead."

"Bullshit" Tony muttered.

Fury ignored him and continued. "The medic on the scene called it. That's the truth- Coulson was _down_. He had no discernible pulse. He looked dead. They took him down to the medical bay, and the doctors there discovered he had a cardiac tamponade- his pericardium was so full of blood that his heart couldn't beat properly. So they did emergency surgery."

"So when exactly did you know?"

"I was appraised of the situation before I met with you and Captain Rogers after the Helicarier attack. There was no point saying anything at that stage because he wasn't expected to live. So I let the drama of the moment push you both into action."

Tony shook his head, disgusted. "Why didn't you say anything afterwards? Did you think we didn't care?"

"Because for weeks afterwards Phil was only just hanging in there. Some of the post-surgical treatment they gave him was completely experimental, and we didn't know if he was gonna live or die. So we kept it quiet. And once he woke up again, he asked me to keep things quiet."

"Why?" Tony demanded.

Fury scrutinised him "Not everyone gets shrapnel in their heart, builds a miniaturised arc reactor and walks away to become a hero, Stark" Fury said coldly. "He lost a lot of blood. He had a stroke during his second surgery. His recovery has been painfully slow, and he's very, very conscious that he's not the man he was before. He's had a lot to deal with, and the last thing he wanted was all his superhero buddies showing up and feeling sorry for him."

"What about regular buddies showing up to help him? Between Banner and I, there has to be something we could be doing-"

"He's been Henry Pym's guinea pig. He doesn't need any more mad scientists on the case. What he wants is to be left alone while he heals and figures out what to do."

"No." Tony shook his head. "I want to see him. Everyone in the team has a right to know. And Pepper. She needs to see him, see that he's okay."

"He's _not_ okay, Stark. Which part of this do you not understand? And staying '_dead_' is his choice" Fury said severely.

"Bullshit. I want to see him. You tell him. You tell him he's expected at Stark Tower this afternoon, and to wear his party pants, because he's getting a hell of a welcome back."

...

Tony didn't really know how Pepper would react to the news, but he didn't quite expect her reaction to be nonchalant disbelief. He took her aside, sat her down on the couch, and explained very quickly, and very simply that it turned out Phil Coulson was actually alive, and would be dropping in to see them. Pepper looked him in the eyes.

"Have you been drinking?" said said in a flat voice.

"No. Pepper. I know it's crazy, but it's the truth."

Pepper considered him for a moment, and then simply nodded. "Okay" she said.

Tony looked at her narrowly. "Okay?"

She nodded again and stood. "Okay, Tony. Whatever you you say. I guess we'll all have a nice reunion later." She went back into her home office, shutting the door quietly behind her.

…

Tony and Steve pulled into the secure basement garage of Stark Tower, to find a black SHIELD SUV already parked.

"Probably a good thing Loki got work at the college this afternoon" Steve said casually.

"Yeah. We don't really want him and Barton in the building at the same time while this is happening" Tony agreed. "Unless you like throwing petrol onto an open flame."

"Not really, no" Steve muttered. "But... we're not going to be able to keep Clint away from Loki indefinitely. Or Natasha, for that matter. Something is gonna give eventually..."

"Yeah, well. We deal with it when it happens. We have to get through this first" Tony said grimly.

Steve studied the dark-haired man. "You okay?"

Tony considered the question. "I don't know what to expect" Tony said very quietly.

Steve nodded. "Whatever happens, no matter how bad he is, look him in the eye" Steve said. "And don't be afraid to touch him. No matter how damaged he might be, he's still a person."

Tony glanced at Steve, feeling a twinge of admiration for the man. Moments like these served to remind him that no matter how out of place the blonde man sometimes seemed, he was worldly in ways Tony couldn't quite imagine. They stepped from the vehicle and waited.

The driver's side door opened, and a burly SHIELD agent climbed out. He moved around to the trunk of the vehicle and removed a wheelchair, deftly opening it out for use.

Tony felt his heart sink a little at the sight of the wheelchair. Instinctively, he made to step forward and help, but Steve placed a gentle hand on his arm.

"He's got it" Steve said reassuringly

One of the rear passenger doors open, and Nick Fury climbed out. He face was studiously neutral, and he nodded to to Steve and Tony. He stepped around to the other passenger door as the SHIELD agent opened it, and carefully assisted the passenger out of the car and into the wheelchair. Fury gently turned the chair and brought it around to Tony and Steve.

Coulson was pale and diminished, and wore the pinched expression of someone in constant pain.

Despite the shock of seeing such a vital, wily man in such bad shape, Tony felt his mouth pull into a grin. He let out a breath of relief and stepped forward, smothering the grin, and studied the agent.

"Well. You look like crap" Tony said casually.

Coulson's eyes narrowed. "I've missed you, too, Stark" he said blandly.

Tony couldn't help but grin again, and he leaned forward, thrusting out his right hand.

With painful slowness Coulson raised his right hand. It seemed to take every ounce of concentration he had to shakily move his arm upwards, and Tony waited patiently. Finally, Coulson grasped Tony's hand as hard as he could, and shook it.

"It's so good to see you" Tony breathed.

"It's surprisingly good to see you, too" Coulson said quietly. He gently broke off the handshake and lowered his arm to his side again.

Tony hooked a thumb over his shoulder at Steve. "You remember my buddy here, Steve?"

Coulson thoughtfully regarded his hero for a moment. "Hmm... you seem _vaguely_ familiar..." he teased.

Steve grinned expansively, and moved towards Coulson. He crouched in slightly, and reached out low and close to Coulson, offering his hand to shake so Coulson didn't have to reach up so far.

"It's an honour to see you again, Sir" Steve said graciously. "You do us proud."

"Well, I'm just a bit player, really. I heard all about what the likes of you got up to after I _died_" Coulson said.

"Oh, whatever spin Fury put on it, it was way more dangerous and considerably more glamorous than he says" Tony said proudly. He gestured for the group to follow him to his private elevator. They rode up to his living quarters, and Tony got everyone settled.

"I was promised cake" Coulson said casually, a twinkle in his eye.

"Well... I'm a lousy cook, so let me go get our resident cake-maker" Tony said.

He slipped from the room to find Pepper in her office. He tapped the door. "Pep. Do you want to come out? Phil is here. I'm sure he'd like to see you..."

Pepper shook her head and ignored Tony. He slipped into the room and rested his hands on her shoulders. She was shaking slightly. He massaged her neck very gently and made a soothing noise as she silently wept.

"I don't understand" she whispered. "I should be happy that he survived. But I thought he was gone, and I don't know how to feel."

"I think I understand what you mean" Tony said gently, moving to sit on her desk so he could face her. "We mourned him... we moved on..."

"I'm scared to see him" Pepper admitted, shamefaced.

Tony sighed. "Pep, I gotta tell you... he looks bad. It's upsetting to see him look so vulnerable. But, Doctor Pym saved the guy's life, and Phil is clearly doing his damnedest to make the most of that."

Pepper let out a shaky breath, and reached for a tissue to dab her eyes dry. She gave Tony a watery smile, and let him take her hand and guide her out of the room.

…

Pepper's dry eyes lasted about three seconds.

As soon as she saw Coulson her face crumpled, and she covered her mouth with her hands.

Coulson had been chatting with Steve about his physical therapy program, and when he took in Pepper's reaction his face softened.

"Miss Potts. Please don't cry. Everything is going to be fine" he said calmly.

This only served to make Pepper cry even harder, but through her tears she hurried to Phil's side and sunk down next to him, reaching across the arm of his wheelchair to pull him into an awkward hug. Coulson grimaced with discomfort, but looked oddly pleased.

"Be gentle" Fury warned Pepper, in what was probably the kindest tone he'd ever used.

Pepper pulled back self-consciously and swatted away her tears. "Did Tony offer you a drink?" she asked, going into hostess mode She stood up and smoothed out her skirt.

"I'm fine, thank you" Coulson said.

"Steve? Directory Fury? Can I get either of you anything?"

Both men politely declined.

"Oh... I made a cake" Pepper breathed. "I should go..." she trailed off and flitted out of the room.

Tony suppressed a grin. "She's never that happy to see me. I mean, _ever_. Is there something you're not telling me, Phil?"

"I don't know what you're talking about" Coulson dead-panned. He looked towards the doorway with interest.

"Hi" Bruce said shyly, entering. He looked around at the group. "Ah, we only met kinda' briefly, but... I heard what happened... You're looking good."

"You're a terrible liar, Doctor Banner" Coulson said.

Bruce smile self-deprecating and shrugged. "Yeah, I am. But it's good to see you."

"I've heard _you're _doing pretty well these days" Coulson complimented.

"Yeah... I've got a pretty unique support group."

"Me. He has me" Tony boasted. "You know how good I am with people. I keep him calm, happy..."

"You must really have a lid on it now, to be able to co-exist with Stark" Coulson said admiringly to Bruce.

Bruce smiled and shrugged. "He's not so bad once you get used to him"

"I'm lovely" Tony said. Steve smiled and rolled his eyes.

Bruce politely ignored Tony. He looked at Coulson with some curiosity. "So... Henry Pym has been treating you?" he asked conversationally.

"Yes. He's been experimenting on me quiet enthusiastically. It's hit and miss" Coulson said dryly. "Though I suppose it saves him having to experiment on himself."

Bruce chuckled lightly "Yeah. We scientists can get a little carried away sometimes..."

"If you'd like to meet him, I'm sure I can arrange something. If you can stand being poked and prodded."

Bruce and Tony both laughed. "Oh, I've gotten used to that" Bruce said, swatting Tony's hand away as the inventor tried to poke him in the stomach. "And... that sounded wrong" Bruce added, blushing slightly.

"That _did_ sound wrong" Steve added.

"You know, for someone who's come back from the dead, you look pretty good" Natasha Romanoff said as she strode into the room. She knelt in front of Coulson and gently embraced him.

"It's good to get you back" she whispered as she held him.

Coulson wrapped his left arm around her, and rested his chin on her shoulder as she cuddled him. He looked over her shoulder to the doorway. Clint was standing there looking at him, pale and calm.

"Hey, Barton" Coulson greeted.

Clint silently nodded, and continued to study the other SHIELD agent. Natasha let go, and gently re-arranged Coulson in his wheelchair.

"It's okay, Barton. You can come closer- I swear I'm not a zombie" Coulson said with a hint of a smile.

Clint stayed where he was. "I don't know. How can I be sure? You coming back from the dead and all."

"It's not like you have any brains to worried about" Natasha slung at Clint. "And if you feel threatened, you can always shoot him with your _guns_."

Clint smiled lightly, and stepped into the room, walking slowly to stand next to Natasha. She reached out and gave his left bicep a squeeze. "Always _armed_" she drawled.

"Well. I see you two haven't changed at all" Coulson observed. "And don't worry, if I were a zombie, I'd be a _George Romero_ kind, not a _28 Days Later_ kind. You'd be out of the building before I even got up out of the chair."

Clint glanced uneasily at the wheelchair, but stayed silent.

"Speaking of the chair..." Natasha ventured. "Looks kinda' clunky." She glanced around at Tony.

"I'm sure Stark could build you something _much_ better..."

"Challenge accepted" Tony said casually, eyeing the wheelchair.

"Tony, take the afternoon off" Steve said gently. "We've got more important things to do right now..."

Tony broke off from scrutinising the chair to look up and see Pepper swaying back into the room. She'd iced the cake and topped it with a sparkler, which illuminated her face. She looked sad and contented all at the same time, and Tony felt an enormous surge of love for her. He glanced over at Coulson, and for the first time since he'd met the agent, the man was genuinely and openly smiling.

"Now, that's more like it."

...

Coulson managed two pieces of the chocolate-peanut butter chip-chocolate cake, which pleased Pepper. She felt, at the very least, that he could do with some fattening up. She'd talked Tony out of opening champagne to go with the cake, knowing Coulson wouldn't be able to partake because of his medications, so instead they ended the celebration with very strong cups of coffee.

"So, Sitwell knows you're alive, right?" Natasha asked Coulson.

"Yes, he was informed recently."

"Did he cry?" Natasha asked with a tiny smile.

"I'm afraid I cannot disclose that information" Coulson said formally.

"He wept like a baby" Fury piped in matter-of-factly.

Natasha snorted with laughter.

"I didn't realise you and Jasper were on close terms" Steve said.

"Yes. He was one of my protégés," Coulson explained, glancing at Clint.

Barton hadn't left Coulson's side the entire afternoon, and to the others he seemed like the human equivalent of a guard dog. Clint had sat quietly, not really participating in the conversation, but he'd kept a careful eye on Coulson as the agent slowly and careful worked his way through the cake, using his left hand to hold the fork.

"It's an interesting challenge to suddenly be left handed" Coulson remarked quietly, and Clint smiled slightly.

"Well, it's an exclusive club, so think yourself lucky" he said seriously. He watched Coulson awkwardly break off a chunk of cake and manoeuvre it into his mouth.

"You're doing really well" Clint assured him.

"Thanks" Coulson chewed thoughtfully and studied Clint. At length he asked, "How are _you_ doing?"

"Same old, same old" Clint lied.

"That so?"

"You know what it's like."

Coulson studied Clint a little longer. "Barton... we're trained to compartmentalise our feelings, but just because we can lock them down doesn't mean they ever really go away."

"I know that" Clint said calmly. He looked at Coulson like there was so much more he wanted to say, but then looked away suddenly. He looked around the room. "I was really just a part of this _Avengers_ thing by default. Maybe I should get over myself and just focus on being a SHIELD agent again." He smiled very wryly at Coulson "Life was _so much_ simpler back then."

Coulson studied him, his face neutral. "You can tell yourself that. But I'd like you keep this in mind, Clint; things might get worse before they get better-"

"Great" Clint drawled.

"They might" Coulson continued. "But no matter how far down you go, there's always a way back."

Clint met Coulson's eyes.

"Look at _me_" Coulson said gently. "I've got a long way to go, but I've already come so far."

Clint pushed out an angry, frustrated breath, and looked away forcibly, ending the conversation.

Steve wandered over "Are you doing okay, Agent Coulson?" he asked gently.

Coulson smiled up at his hero. "Fine, thank you Captain. But please, just call me Phil."

Steve smiled shyly. "That doesn't seem quite right" he said formally.

"Well technically I'm no longer an _agent_, if that makes it simpler?"

"Why aren't you an agent?" Clint demanded.

"I'm not going to be able to resume my field duty, Barton" Coulson explained calmly.

"So? Just because you can't go out into the field doesn't mean your career is over. Why can't you be a consultant? Go into Ops or planning, become a negotiator-"

"All in time" Coulson assured Clint. "I will explore my options when, and if, I become fully recovered."

Clint's argument died on his lips, and for the first time he allowed himself to look openly stricken.

An uneasy silence fell over the room. Clint chewed his lip.

"Help me clear the plates?" Pepper asked moving over to Clint. He broke off from staring at Coulson and stood, allowing Pepper to hand him a stack of crockery. He followed her to the kitchen, happy to leave the room.

… … … ...

_Author's notes: This is for _Myth Queen_, so she can get on with her essay writing! This story thread will continue in the next chapter of "_Notes From a Royal Screw-up_" which won't be up til later next week. Mentions of Dr Henry Pym? He might just crop up some time... _

_Happy Thanksgiving to my US friends._


	6. Crazy Little Thing Called Love

**Vicissitude**

**Chapter Six**

"You're making a puddle on the floor, you know" Carol said gently.

"I know" Steve said with a sigh. He was so bone-weary that when he'd gotten back to Stark Tower he'd walked into his apartment and promptly dropped down onto the hallway floor to rest. He'd lost track of how long he'd been there, but it was long enough that the cold of the tiled floor was seeping into his body. He wanted to move, knew he should get up, but he just couldn't muster himself.

He heard Carol's footsteps retreating, and a moment later she approached again. He felt the gentle weight of something being draped over his legs, and then over his chest and arms. He opened his eyes and lifted his head to watch as Carol tucked the towels closer to his body.

He laughed lightly. "Thanks" he murmured. "Turns out Kevlar is only waterproof to a certain point. I'm considering asking Tony to make me a star-spangled wetsuit next time."

Carol gave a hum of acknowledgement, but stayed hunkered down next to Steve. "Things go okay?" she asked eventually.

"Well... we did the best we could" he told her. She nodded gently. "It was pretty fierce out there. I think even the weather has gotten worse in the past seventy years."

"Global warming just might do that" Carol agreed.

"How did you and Pepper go?" Steve asked.

"We got done everything we set out to do. She's amazing. Seriously. We're lucky she's on our side, because if someone like the Hellfire Club decided to recruit her, she'd whip them into shape so fast we'd have our asses handed to us before we knew what the hell was happening."

Steve smiled at the thought.

"C'mon, Cap, up off the floor. It must be cold."

Steve frowned. "It is"

"So... why are you still down there? Get up, have a nice hot shower, put on some sweats and I'll fix you some soup. I smuggled up a container for you from the makeshift kitchen we set up."

Steve opened his eyes again and looked up at Carol's worried face. "You don't have to take care of me, Carol. You've been working for days without a break, too. You should be resting."

"Helping Pepper turn the bottom few floors of the Tower into a refuge and meal centre for storm victims wasn't exactly what I'd call hard work. At least I got to be warm and dry and indoors."

"Well, it wasn't exactly Quinjet weather outside" Steve reasoned.

"True, but I wasn't out in it, knee-deep in freezing cold storm water..."

"Knee-deep? Try hip deep. And chest-deep at one stage" Steve grumbled, shuddering at the memory.

"Chest deep? Holy crap" Carol muttered.

"Thor and Nat were on the ground with me, too. They got every bit as soaked" Steve said modestly. "And it was no picnic for Tony or Rhodey either."

"Yes, and I bet none of them are drip-drying on floor tiles. They're all sensible enough to go get dry." Carol looked puzzled for a moment. "So, how come Thor couldn't... you know," she frowned thoughtfully and mimicked the way the Asgardian swung Mjolnir above his head. Steve chuckled at her impersonation of the god. "Why couldn't he do something about the weather? Settle the storm or whatever?"

Steve nodded. "I mentioned that to him. He gripped my shoulder and looked at me very seriously and said: "Friend Steven, I am simply the God of _Thunder_."

Carol chuckled. "Amateur!"

Steve smiled.

"I wish there was more I could have done out there. Everything this city has been through lately- a natural disaster was probably the last thing they needed. I just felt so useless every time Tony or Rhodey gave me an update though the comms. Hardly fitting for an _Avenger_."

"Hey" Steve chided gently, reaching up and grabbing Carol's hand. "I stopped in downstairs and saw the bedding you and Pepper arranged, and all the food you help prepare. There are a lot of people who are safe and out of the weather and with a full stomach because you lent a hand. Being an _Avenger_ is not about always being in the thick of things, getting your uniform dirty... it's about doing your best, doing whatever you can to make things right."

Carol smiled lightly, and gave Steve's hand a reassuring squeeze. Then she tensed her arm and started to stand, trying to pull Steve up with here.

"C'mon soldier, on your feet!" Steve smiled and allowed Carol to haul him to his feet. He sighed wearily.

"Now, away to the shower with you, and then it's soup o'clock. You'll feel so much better once you've eaten."

Steve wasn't in a hurry to let go of Carol's hand; and Carol didn't seem eager to let go of him, either.

And then his stomach growled loudly. Carol laughed openly, and Steve grinned shyly.

"The experts have spoken!" Carol declared.

Steve nodded and grudgingly and let go of Carol's hand. He shuffled off to the bathroom, and Carol headed for the kitchen.

"Stupid stomach" he muttered.

… … ...

Steve was hunched over the biggest bowl of soup he'd ever eaten in his life. It also happened to be the best soup he'd ever tasted. He'd initially felt slightly guilty that Carol had given him such a large bowl, but had only taken a small serve for herself; but the soup was so hot and hearty and filling and delicious that he was secretly glad to be greedy for once. There was also a rapidly-diminishing stack of hot, buttered toast in front of him. He was clean and dry, having soaked the cold from his bones in a warm shower, and he was dressed in cosy sweatpants and a pullover type of top Tony called a 'hoodie'. The day, which had been so exhausting and _cold_ up until thirty minutes ago, was rapidly looking up.

"You really made this?" Steve asked.

Carol nodded. "About five vats of it. Had an army of university students doing the peeling." she winked at him and he smiled.

"But it's your recipe?"

"My Mom's, actually, but it's a well-established favourite in my cooking arsenal. Guaranteed to warm you up from the inside, head to toe."

"I'm so used to eating soup from a can, home-made is so much better." Steve mumbled through a mouthful of vegetables and lentils.

Carol shuddered at the thought of canned soup. "Well, once you start in with home-made, you can't go back to canned. Same with pizza- can't stand the chain store stuff now I make my own."

Steve looked up at her, intrigued. "You make your own pizza?" he asked in an awed tone.

"Crust and all" Carol said smugly. "I'll make it for you sometime."

Steve nodded enthusiastically. "I'd like that."

They fell into comfortable silence again as they turned their focus back to their food.

"So, what's the secret ingredient?" Steve asked eventually. Carol looked questioningly at him.

"Isn't there always supposed to be some kind of secret ingredient in all good food- something unexpected that _makes_ it a cut above?"

Carol gave him a cunning look "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you" she quoted, deadpan.

Steve frowned. "Wow. That's a pretty serious caveat."

Carol looked at him askance, and then it dawned on her. "You haven't seen Top Gun?!" she asked.

Steve shook his head, puzzled.

"Oh my god! It's an 80's classic, about these hotshot pilots... Why hasn't Tony made you watch it? Why haven't _I_ made you watch it?!"

"I... don't know?" Steve said slowly.

"Ha! We're watching it. For sure. If you don't have to go back out tonight, I'll make us pizza, and we'll watch Top Gun on the big screen TV, and drink some beers."

"Sounds ideal" Steve said casually, smiling warmly. Carol suddenly looked very pleased with herself.

The moment was ruined as Rhodey and Tony entered the room. Tony stopped short in the doorway and started at Carol and Steve, appalled.

"What the hell is this?" he demanded.

"Tony-" Rhodey muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Where's _my_ soup?" Tony demanded. Carol smiled and shook her head.

"Out in the rain and winds, three nights in a row, rescuing people from cars and flooded buildings, pushed to the brink of exhaustion, and what do I get?"

"Not soup" Steve answered back.

Tony pointed at Steve. "You're getting smart-alecky. I blame me." He sauntered over to the table and stole a piece of Steve's toast, and then peered into Steve's almost-empty soup bowl. "Jeez, Cap, did you save any soup for the homeless people we're sheltering?"

Steve frowned.

"If it's soup you're after, there's plenty in the kitchen I set up downstairs" Carol said lightly. She fixed Rhodey with a _why are you here?_ look. Rhodey shrugged apologetically.

"Came to tell you what a great job you did, Carol, helping Pep arrange the emergency shelter... and to check on _oh Captain, my captain_, here, but I can see that he's doing just fine... eating you out... of house and home" Tony said, pausing just enough to make Carol narrow her eyes at him. The almost-double-entendre was lost on Steve. He hunched protectively over his food.

Tony munched thoughtfully on his purloined toast. "When are you going back out?" he asked Steve.

"Fury says the worst of the weather is over, so unless something else happens, I'm off watch until we can help with clean-up."

"That won't be for a few days, until the water recedes" Rhodey said.

"Thought I'd take a few shifts downstairs in the shelter, help with cleaning, talk to people, that sort of thing. But I'm going to try to get some rest first" Steve said.

"I hear you" Tony agreed. "Feel like I could sleep for a week." He stretched. "Well, if you kiddies are up for it later, I've managed to find once decent pizza joint on the island of Manhattan that is somehow still open for business; they're sending over a bunch of pies for the shelter, and quite a few for us, so... pizza party in my digs later."

Steve and Carol looked both shifty and awkward.

"I've got plans" Carol said casually.

Tony looked suspiciously at her. "How can you have plans? There's a hurricane outside- the only plan anyone has at the moment is to live through it."

Carol shrugged.

"Yeah, I'm just gonna... rest" Steve mumbled.

Tony looked piercingly at Steve. "I'm offering you pizza, Cap. No one sleeps through pizza. Unless you're too full of soup" he said slyly.

Steve began to blush and looked down, fascinated by his empty soup bowl. "I have plans, too."

"I have pizza, your argument is invalid" Tony said, clearly not liking being brushed off.

"Yeah, well... we're having home made pizza. I'm making it. And then, because you've failed in your friend duty to Steve, I'll be showing him the film _Top Gun_" Carol said testily.

"Wait- you haven't seen _Top Gun_?!" Rhodey exclaimed. He looked accusatorially at Tony, but Tony was too busy smirking at Steve.

"You're not invited!" Steve and Carol said in unison, seeing the mischievous glint in the billionaire playboy's eye.

"Oh, I don't know... I'd be happy to stop by and play chaperone for you two sweet kids. And I do love the movie. The sex scene, from memory, is especially sensual..."

"Sex scene?" Steve asked in a worried tone. His eyes flicked self-consciously to Carol.

Carol sighed.

"Tony" Rhodey muttered warningly, trying sincerely not to smile.

Tony nodded sagely. "It'll take your breath away" he punned. Steve didn't get the reference, but Carol and Rhodey rolled their eyes.

"Thank you so much for your concern, but we don't need a chaperone" Carol said lightly.

"I really don't mind" Tony said brightly.

"It's fine, thanks" Steve said tightly.

"Okay, Tony... let's go get some soup... from downstairs" Rhodey said knowingly.

"He wants to gossip about you" Tony said, hooking a thumb over his shoulder at Rhodey. "So we're going to go gossip. And eat soup." Tony began to exit the room with Rhodey, but he walked backwards in order to fix Steve and Carol with a canary-eating grin for just that little bit longer. Carol frowned and glared; Steve looked defiant.

He left them in awkward silence for several minutes.

"We're never going to hear the end of this, are we?" Steve asked wearily.

"Not on your life" Carol sighed.

… … … …

_Author's notes- I had this one in my head for a long time, it just took itself a while to be ready. I know this isn't quite in keeping with the increasingly darker tone of its sister-story "Notes From a Royal Screw-up" but I've pretty much already decided that Steve and Carol are getting their own series, so I'm starting to lead in to that from here. This is probably the second last chapter of this series, and there are quite a few loose ends to tie up. Still putting the next chapter of Notes together, and that's going to be a while as it's very action-packed! Follow me on Twitter __**Bombshell1701**__ and I'll keep you informed of how its' going. _

Obligatory disclaimer: I own none of these characters or anything the reference, and I make no money writing these stories.


	7. Who Wants to Live Forever?

**Vicissitude**

**Chapter Seven – Who Wants to Live Forever?**

"You ready?" Steve asked.

"Sure am" Carol answered.

"Okay... so... what are you waiting for?" Steve wondered.

"You" Carol said.

"I'm good to go" Steve told her confidently.

"Okay, well, strap in, then." Carol said firmly.

"I'm okay, I can just hold on" Steve said casually.

Carol fixed him with a commanding look. "Sit your ass down, _sir_."

"Seriously, Carol, it's fine. I always just hang on."

"Not on my jet" Carol said, folding her arms.

"Carol! We need to get airborne!" Steve said urgently, all set for an argument. "We don't have time to discuss this! We have unidentified aircraft over the city, and we need to get on it!"

"I'm not having you rolling around back there. Maybe you're a super-soldier, but you can still break your head if there's turbulence."

From the co-pilot's seat Natasha sighed. "Capt., you better belt in. She's not taking off until you do."

Carol reached up to her console and flipped on the in-flight PA system. "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Before take-off I need you to make sure your seat-backs and tray tables are in an upright position, and that your safety belts are fastened low and tight across your hips. This means you, Steven Rogers."

Steve looked mutinous. "Fine!' he cried. He stalked back to the deck and strapped himself in across the aisle from Bruce. Bruce, who was already securely harnessed in his seat, gave him a tight smile and shrugged. "You might be The Capt., but in the jet she's the _Captain_."

"Right" Carol announced. "Now that everyone is complying with aviation safety regulations..."

She fired up the engines and lifted off hard and fast. The Quinjet shot straight up in the air, and once they'd reached a safe height above the landing pad, Carol gunned the jet forward. Steve's stomach lurched so rapidly in every direction he was secretly glad that he'd obeyed his pilot.

Tony's voice came over the comms."So, now that you've settled your cute little domestic dispute, you wanna come give us a hand?"

"You heard that?" Steve asked.

"Every word" Tony confirmed, and smile in his voice.

Steve sighed inwardly.

"Have you been able to get a look at the bogeys?" Carol asked.

"Not closely- I don't know who these jerks are, but they're _fast_" Tony said.

"I get the distinct feeling they're from _way_ out of town" Rhodey added. "The silhouette of their crafts isn't like anything I've ever seen before."

"Not Chitauri?" Bruce asked.

"Not unless they've hired a ship new designer" Tony grumbled.

"Thor, they look like anything you've seen before in your travels?" Steve asked.

"The design is unfamiliar to my eyes" Thor added. His voice was nearly drowned out by the sound of the wind whistling through the comms as he flew.

"You slackers need to double-time it. We're nearly at the Canadian border and they aren't slowing down for Customs" Tony warned the Quinjet crew.

"Well, if the Capt. could just learn to follow orders, we would have been in the air sooner" Carol complained. "But we'll make up time if I have to fly her apart."

...

By the time Quinjet caught up to the other Avengers, they had pursued the mystery aircraft well into Canadian airspace.

"Okay, these guys are really boring me. What say we call in Alpha Flight to take over, and go get some Tim Horton's instead" Tony suggested.

The bogeys, which had been flying together in tight formation the entire time, began to break off from one another. The three smaller craft broke formation and sped off in various directions.

"Looks like they want us to split up" Tony assessed.

"I don't like it" Natasha said.

"Tony, Rhodey, Thor- keep on them, see what they're up to." Steve instructed.

"Copy that" Rhodey confirmed. He, Tony and Thor all changed course and kept on their pursuit.

"Let's start to worry this one and see what happens" Steve said.

The lead jet suddenly flipped one-hundred- eighty degrees and began to bear down on the Quinjet.

"Whoa! Whoa!" Carol yelled, impressed and alarmed "Did you see that? The manoeuvrability in a ship that size!"

Alarms began to sound. "They've got weapons lock on us" Carol said. "Hold fast!"

She banked hard to starboard, rolled the jet and shot under the enemy craft. The alarm stopped beeping.

As he experience momentary weightlessness from the sharp move, Steve was suddenly glad he was harnessed in. He bit his lip and drew in a deep breath, regretting the meatball sub he'd had for lunch.

"Oh wow. I really don't like upside-down" Bruce said calmly.

"You dorks okay back there?"Carol called as she levelled the jet.

"That was fun" Steve said dryly.

"Wanna do it again?" Carol asked, not really joking.

"No!' Bruce said definitively.

"Well suck it up, buttercup, because unfortunately-"

Before Carol could finish the sentence the alarms began beeping again. She swore and peeled hard to the left. The enemy craft stayed tight on her, and the weapons lock alarm continued.

Carol broke out her best, most unpredictable moves, and the other aircraft couldn't keep lock long enough to get off a straight shot.

Steve pushed up the armrest next to his seat, and pulled up the mini-screen stowed in the compartment between the seats. He pressed a series of buttons and bought up the jet's rear cameras. The enemy craft was the weirdest looking thing he'd ever seen; Rhodey was right, it didn't look local. It was massive, with a hard, hulking form that made it look like some kind of deadly bug.

Across from him, Bruce had done the same thing. He stared thoughtfully at the screen, trying hard to ignore the way Carol's dogfighting manoeuvres shook them all around.

"What do you think we're dealing with here?" Bruce asked.

"Well, we've either got some brand-new maniacal despot with his own private air force, or... these guys are aliens of some kind" Natasha guessed.

"Oh, please let it be a despot" Steve muttered. "I'm still trying to get my head around the last alien invasion we were involved in."

The weapons lock alarm sounded again and Carol swore aloud. "They're right on my ass! This is gonna get ugly, guys" She veered hard and sharp to port. The alarm continued.

"They're firing" Natasha reported.

"Deploying flares" Carol said calmly.

The Quinjet shook at the missile detonated just behind them.

"Nice flying, Carol" Bruce said.

"Okay, that's it! No more mister-nice-Carol" Carol muttered. She fired weapons at the enemy craft. The craft dipped and skimmed and avoided the hit. They fired again. Carol deployed flares and whipped the jet hard to starboard. They shuddered from the near-miss.

"That was too damn close. Are you guys doing the hokey-pokey like we are?" Carol asked over the comms.

"Well, I'm taking turns playing kill-or-be-killed with mine" Tony said, clearly annoyed.

"Yeah, me too. This is one ugly, angry little ship" Rhodey reported.

"Lightening does not appear to harm the vessel" Thor grumbled. "As soon as I get my hands on it, I will give it a taste of Mjolnir, and see how much it likes that!"

"Damn right" Carol seethed. "I think we might be in real trouble, here. I cannot get this jerk off my tail! If it keeps chasing us like this we're either gonna run out of fuel, or end up in Australia!"

The weapons lock alarm sounded again. Carol rolled the jet, whipping hard from port to starboard. Steve watched the enemy jet on his screen as it kept pace with them.

Steve looked across to Bruce. The doctor was pale and sweating.

"You okay?" Steve called.

Bruce nodded weakly and reached for an air-sickness bag. "I'm gonna hitch-hike next time. No offence or anything, Carol"

"None taken" Carol said, clearly distracted.

"Carol" Natasha said in a warning tone.

"I know!" Carol said through gritted teeth. "Hold on!"

Steve watched as the enemy vessel fired another missile. He saw the missile began to close on the jet. He gripped his seat, feeling his heart start to hammer in his chest. He tore his eyes away from the screen to look at Carol. She was hunched over the controls, flicking switches, pushing the throttle.

The warning alarm grew louder, the beep becoming faster. Carol wrenched the jet hard to starboard just as the missile detonated. The jet lurched violently, the explosion startlingly loud. Steve and Bruce were flung hard to the side as the jet rolled, their safety harnesses holding them painfully in their seats. Natasha swore in Russian. Warning alarms beeped, and suddenly they were falling from the sky.

"Starboard turbine is on fire" Natasha called.

"Trying to bring suppression systems online" Carol responded. "Nope, suppression is gone. Along with most of the turbine."

Steve looked up at Carol again. Her hands flew across the control panels.

"Bruce? You okay?" Natasha called.

Bruce had a white knuckle grip on his harness, and was breathing hard. His eyes were closed, and Steve knew the scientist was trying to keep himself under control. "I need to get off this jet" he muttered.

"Hang in there, Bruce. I'm doing everything I can, okay!" Carol said.

Steve looked up at her again, and then beyond her, out of the front window of the jet. It took him a few seconds to realise the white expanse he could see was the ground, closing in on them.

They were going to crash into the ice. He felt the bile rise in his throat. The memory was too strong, and time seemed to slow down. He tried to tear his eyes away from the dazzling white expanse that was getting closer, closer. He wanted to look at Carol. He wanted her to be the last thing he saw...

"Jettisoning the turbine" Carol reported.

"Carol, you'll lose all stability!" Rhodey cried over the comms.

"I'm gonna lose the entire wing if I don't" Carol said, perfectly calm.

She flipped open a panel and pressed a button. The jet shuddered again, dipped hard to starboard, and then rolled violently to port.

"I'm gonna steady her out, and find somewhere to put down."

"The bogey is still on us!" Natasha said.

"I need to get off this jet" Bruce said tightly.

"Everyone, you need to sit tight. I'm not letting those bastard win today" Carol growled.

All Steve could see was white. He ears were ringing, his heart pounding in his chest and temples.

"Carol! Open the hatch!" Bruce called. "Let me out!" He started pulling at his harness.

"Don't be crazy!" Carol yelled. "Keep your ass in your seat, Banner!"

"No! Carol, do it!" Natasha cried, craning around to look at Bruce. She knew he was moments away from a total meltdown.

And his idea was pure genius.

Carol couldn't spare him a glance, but she seemed to be cottoning on. "Do it!"

"Steve, this is going to get even bumpier, so hang on!" Natasha warned. She hit the button to open the rear hatch, and Bruce tore himself from his seat, already transforming into the Hulk. With a truly terrifying roar he bolted towards the hatch, and then launched himself out of the Quinjet...

and right onto the enemy fighter.

"And they never knew what hit them" Natasha said with an air of satisfaction, as she closed the hatch.

Steve rocketed around in his seat. He was breathing hard, staring at the white expanse that was once again trying to claim him. The sense of deja vu, and the feelings of bitter regret it stirred up made him want to weep. He gritted his teeth, and tensed, waiting to hit, waiting for the freezing white to take him.

"There!" Carol cried. "Hold on, this isn't gonna be pretty!"

The jet rolled hard to port and shot forward. The sound of metal scraping metal drowned out the alarms, and the jet shook sickeningly. Then with a great jolt, there was stillness. Carol reached up and flicked switches, and the last of the alarms died. Then she sat back in her seat and sighed. From the co-pilot's seat, Natasha studied her silently.

"You on the ground?" Rhodey asked over the comms.

"That we are" Carol told him.

"How many pieces are you in?" Tony wanted to know.

"Several"

"But not nearly as many pieces as the enemy- we threw the Hulk at them" Natasha said smugly.

"I almost pity them!" Thor said, a smile in his voice. "My foe has been vanquished, I will attempt to locate you."

"Yeah, I'm about done here" Tony said. "I think this one self-destructed or something."

"Mine, too" Rhodey said curiously. "A SHIELD clean-up crew is on it's way, they'll be able to take a closer look."

"Something about this whole operation is off" Natasha said darkly.

"Okay. Now the part I hate" Carol muttered. She flipped the switch to open the rear hatch and stood on slightly shaky legs. "I'm almost scared to look. But I get the horrible feeling I'm gonna lose my no-claim bonus."

Natasha followed her, and Carol stopped to give Steve's shoulder a squeeze. "I'm not going to say I told you so" she said with a tiny smile.

Steve still couldn't open his eyes, but he tried to hide the violent shaking in his legs. He nodded weakly.

With a sigh, Carol went outside to check the damage. She swore when she saw what was left of the starboard wing.

Natasha gaped at the jet. "I can't believe you got us down alive" She breathed. She pulled out her phone and snapped a photo of the jet "I'm Facebooking this shit! Barton is not going to believe his eyes."

Carol reached up and patted the one part of the fuselage that didn't have damage. "It's the beauty of VTL. Though wings do help with the whole flight thing. You have Facebook?"

"Wow. You're grounded. Fury said you could only drive it if you brought it back without a scratch" Tony quipped as his helmet retracted.

Rhodey landed a moment later, and hugged Carol. "Good work, that was some nice flying"

From the distance they could hear a thumping sound, which steadily grew closer. The ground began to shake, and Hulk came stomping into view. He stared at the jet. Carol stared at Hulk. The idea that this was mild-mannered Doctor Bruce still baffled her.

"Jet smashed" he growled.

"Yeah, but Hulk smashed bad guys that hurt jet!" Tony said.

Hulk grinned proudly.

Thor landed, and dropped Mjolnir with a tired sigh. "Are we all well?"

"Well, some of us look a little more wind-swept than others... but we've all got our fingers and toes..." Tony said.

"The craft I was pursuing seemed to destroy itself. I had barely laid Mjolnir on it when it exploded."

"Yeah, nearly knocked my socks off" Tony grumbled. And there wasn't much left, wreckage-wise."

"Same" Hulk said angrily.

"So what gives? It seems strange to send a handful of alien vessels all this way, only to destroy them without trying to make any sort of contact" Rhodey wondered.

"Unless they were scouts" Natasha reasoned.

"Or a distraction" Thor said grimly.

"I don't like the thought of that" Tony said darkly.

...

Steve breathed slowly and deeply, and after a few minutes he managed to fumble off the safety harness. He swayed out of the jet, his legs so weak he could barely stand.

He stopped and looked at the clearing Carol had put the jet down in. Towering over them on all sides were steep, rocky, snow- covered mountains, and all around, tall, strong trees.

Steve slowly made his way around the jet. There was little more than two feet of clearance on every side. In the middle of snow and tree covered mountain wilderness Carol Danvers had found the one place you could park a jet, and had landed dead-centre in it.

He came around to see his other Avengers looking over the damage. The starboard turbine was _gone_, what was left of the wing was charred, brittle mess. It seemed impossible that they had survived the attack, let alone the emergency landing.

Carol was standing slightly away from the group, looking over the jet with a sad, studied eye. Looking at her made Steve's heart sing. She was one of the most amazing, audacious women he'd ever met, and he admired her like crazy. And now, standing there looking at her, he realised that Carol didn't need a coward in her life, she needed a man who would be worthy of her.

He squared his shoulders and walked straight over to her, past Tony and Rhodey, Natasha and Thor and Bruce in his Hulk form. He walked up to Carol, put one hand on her waist, the other on her shoulder, drew her to him, and kissed her.

It took Carol a few second to understand exactly what was happening. At first she tensed slightly, but Steve's kiss was firm and persistent, and slowly Carol relaxed into it. She reached up, sliding her arms around his waist and drawing him closer to her body.

For a full minute they were completely oblivious to their team mates- Tony rolled his eyes, exasperated, but he couldn't keep from exchanging a canary-eating grin with Rhodey. Natasha smirked and shook her head. Thor looked proud and pleased. Hulk looked puzzled. He pointed at the happy couple. "Huh?" he grunted.

"Oh c'mon, as if you didn't see that coming! It's been brewing for weeks" Tony said sarcastically.

"About time" Natasha drawled.

Hulk shrugged his massive shoulders. "Hulk like." He started to wander away from the group, suddenly subdued enough to transform back into Bruce.

"Will you two knock it off? You're grossing out the Hulk, and I think we all know that's usually impossible to do" Tony complained.

Steve and Carol drew apart. Both were flushed, but there was no hint of embarrassment from either of them.

"Um. You're welcome?" Carol murmured to Steve.

"You're... amazing" Steve breathed.

"Look, I hate to be the one to break up your little mutual-admiration society, but there's the small matter of the unidentified flying objects that we just chased across Canada, before they all suddenly went boom" Rhodey said.

Steve drew in a deep breath, and got his game face on again. "Is there much left of the one Hulk took out?"

"There's wreckage about three clicks from here. The one I was chasing ended up as little more than smoke and ash. It was weird" Tony reported. "Literally nothing left."

"Kinda hope they were unmanned" Steve said, frowning.

"So, we're all thinking alien?" Natasha ventured.

The team nodded.

"What kind of _alien_?" Thor asked grimly.

Tony's comm unit beeped. "Mister Stark, I have Miss Potts on the line for you, I believe it's urgent" JARVIS announced.

"Pep, this really isn't a good time" Tony said wearily.

"We're being attacked!" Pepper cried through the comm unit.

Tony straightened up, his expression immediately becoming focused, intense.

"Where are you? Who's attacking you? Who are you with?" Tony asked sharply.

"In the Tower. There are two men, they've got... some kind of laser gun. Loki's here. He's... trying to fight them off!" Pepper explained, distressed.

"What the hell?" Rhodey said.

Tony and Thor exchanged a dark look. Without another word, Tony's suit sealed up, and he blasted off. "Loki's _fighting_ these guys? Not... fighting _with_ them?" Tony asked over the comms.

"He's definitely _not_ with them" Pepper confirmed for the team.

"My brother would not turn on us again, he's come too far" Thor muttered. He began to swing Mjolnir. "I must away to my brother, he needs me" he said, earnestly. He swung Mjolnir aloft and lifted off.

Natasha frowned deeply. She tapped a series of numbers into her comm unit, and turned away from the group to speak on another line.

"I'm on my way back" Tony's voice was tense over the comm unit, he'd already disappeared into the horizon. "I'm calling Fury, he'll get agents there as soon as her can. Sit tight, okay?"

"I've called it in. Fury's scrambling an emergency response team to the Tower" Natasha said.

Steve turned to Rhodey "Follow Tony and Thor, back them up if they need it. The situation might need a cool head, considering who's involved. We'll get back home soon as we can"

"I'm on it" Rhodey said. He sealed up and sped off.

Carol sighed and looked at the wrecked jet" Well, we're not going anywhere for a while" she muttered.

"How long until SHEILD support get here?" Steve asked Natasha.

"ETA seven minutes" Natasha said.

"Go get Banner, we'll grab what we need from the jet. Something is seriously wrong with the timing of all these events: I want to be back at HQ so we can figure out what the hell is going on before things escalate further" Steve said.

… … … …

Tony knew Pepper was okay.

She had called him almost as soon as the situation was under control. She gave him a very sketchy report of the events, from the moment she and Loki had walked into the apartment, up to Agent Barton's impeccable timing.

She said she was okay. Barton and Fury and a SHEILD medic had checked her out on site, and at Tony's repeated insistence she'd even consented to going downtown to SHEILD HQ to get a proper examination and scans from a doctor.

She was fine.

That didn't stop Tony from flying so fast that the suit, and his teeth, began to vibrate. He'd muted JARVIS when the AI began warning him, a little too repeatedly, that the suit was starting to suffer fatigue, and that if he continued at that velocity, structural integrity would experience a catastrophic failure. He flew through a rainstorm in upstate New York, ignoring the way the cascading rain instantly turned to steam as soon as it came in contact with the suit.

He wouldn't stop until he could see with his very own eyes that she was fine.

He practically tore himself out of the suit- the auto disassemble was taking too long- and hurried to their bedroom, where Pepper was recovering. She was propped up against several large pillows, typing on her laptop.

"You're supposed to be resting" Tony said.

Pepper looked up, startled, and looked somewhat abashed. Tony moved to sit next to her, plucked the laptop from her hands and tossed it onto the bed next to them. He fixed her with a hard, appraising look.

Pepper recognised that expression. "Tony, I'm fine" she reassured her.

"Uh huh, sure. Just more bad guys. Another day of being Tony Stark's girlfriend."

"Well, it's better than just being your PA" she said dryly.

Tony pulled her into his arms, and she sighed and curled against him, resting her forehead against the crook of his neck. They sat together like this in silence for several minutes. It was hard for Tony to be still and calm, but he knew Pepper needed this quiet reassurance, so he kept his jittery panic, anger and millions of questions to himself for as long as could.

"So" he said finally. "Loki's your champion now. That's a hell of a thing."

"He was..." Pepper struggled for words "Amazing. The way he moved, the way he fought... and Tony- I need to tell you something. I'm pretty sure he was working magic."

Tony pulled away and looked at Pepper askance. "But... he's got bond of high magic or something on him from Odin."

Pepper shrugged. "I'm not certain what I saw. I mean, I've never really seen magic... but that's what I imagine it would like. And... he spoke. He could talk. His mouth was bleeding like crazy, though."

"Huh" Tony said.

"I don't really understand everything that happened with him, but he took a hit from those guy's laser guns. I thought it had killed him, but he kept on fighting. And then..."

She went on to explain the terrible confrontation between Barton and Loki, and Tony began to understand why she was so rattled. It wasn't the attack on her, it was watching two men she thought she knew try so earnestly to hurt each other.

"JARVIS, where are Loki and Barton now?" Tony asked quietly.

"Loki is in his quarters. Thor has arrived and is attending his brother."

"You should give them some space" Pepper suggested. Tony considered that for a moment and nodded.

"Agent Barton is in Agent Romanoff's quarters" JARVIS reported.

"I'm gonna need to thank both of them at some stage. And talk to Barton about how he just nearly got himself death by Thor" he sighed, troubled. "I really should have seen that coming. Should have done a better job... I don't know... keeping them apart?"

Pepper licked her lips. "It's not much of a surprise that it happened, is it? It's actually pretty amazing that Clint kept himself contained for so long."

Tony nodded and shrugged. "And what about Loki's behaviour- that I _also_ didn't see coming."

Pepper clearly didn't know what to say.

Tony studied her. What he really wanted to do was ask her about the jerks who had gotten in to their state-of-the-art private, secure home. He wanted to know what she and Loki had walked in on. But Pepper was wrung out, and talking to her about it was a bad idea.

"I need to look into the security breach" Tony explained. "I'm going to go over the footage with the team, and run a full systems analysis, try to figure out what they were after, who the hell they are, and then... I'm going to track them down and have a conversation with them."

… … … ...

"Wait- did he just-?" Tony asked, his voice rising in disbelief.

"Uhhh" Bruce hummed, uncertain.

"JARVIS, take the footage back about five seconds, and zoom in on the bottom right-hand corner" Tony instructed.

He glanced over at the team mates who were present: Steve, Carol and Rhodey had all watched the playback of the assault with the kind of professional detachment of people who were used to analysing conflict, but Tony had noticed the way Steve's hands had clenched into fists every time Pepper had been threatened, the way Carol had nodded every time Loki has done anything especially bad-ass (they had all agreed that Loki had definitely gotten his magic mojo back) and the way Rhodey's shoulders had gotten more tense the more he'd watched. Bruce shifted uncomfortably in his seat as he'd watched the fight, glancing away from the screen several times when things had gotten particularly harrowing.

Tony himself fought against the feeling of rage that had started when the intruders has seem to have just materialised inside his private elevator, and had rapidly escalated as they gutted access panels and scanned computer cabling with hand-held devices- doing who-knew-what. His ire reached a crescendo as he watched Pepper and Loki fight for their lives.

And now he'd seen something that he just didn't quite believe.

JARVIS played the zoomed-in view he'd requested.

"Again" Tony barked.

The footage replayed.

Tony pointed at the screen, baffled. "Did that guy just turn _green_ all of a sudden?" He looked questioningly at Bruce, as did the others. "Anything you need to tell us, Brucey? Any jolly green love-children out there we don't know about?"

Bruce looked at Tony like he was deranged. "No, Tony. He's not mine."

Rhodey shook his head at his friend. "The dude on the ground, there, doesn't look like Hulk."

"Not as big, for a start" Carol said casually.

"But suddenly he goes from looking human, to being green, which is a very flattering colour for some, but not really a skin tone you see every day."

"What are you thinking?" Steve asked.

"Shape shifter?" Tony ventured.

"Shape-shifter?" Steve repeated, looking like his brain might implode.

"Or... it was a disguise? He was he wearing an image modifier that malfunctioned?" He looked around at the baffled faces of the group.

"I don't even know what that means" Steve muttered, shaking his head.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! JARVIS! Back up! Back up again!" Carol cried, her eyes still on the screen.

The rest of the team whipped around to look at the screen again. The footage Carol exclaimed over replayed.

"Wait. Where did they go? Did they just _teleport _away?" Tony breathed. "They did _not_ just teleport!"

"Teleport?" Steve asked. "You mean, like on Star Trek?"

"Yes, like on-" Tony began to answer, but broke off and looked at the Capt. "You've seen _Star Trek_?"

"I got him watching it" Bruce admitted with a small shrug.

"Teleport?" Carol questioned, bring Stark back into the conversation. "Seriously?"

"How is that even possible?" Rhodey asked.

"Oh, it's kinda not" Tony said, excitement threatening to overwhelm is blazing anger. "Theoretical, of course. But no scientist has ever successfully transported _living matter_, even the tiniest distance."

"No _human_ scientist" Bruce elaborated, giving Tony a knowing look. "-That we know of at least."

Steve sighed. "So, more aliens. Great."

Carol reached over and gave his shoulder a squeeze. "Little green men" she muttered.

Tony made a thoughtful noise. "It's the only explanation. If they're from another world, they'd have to have all kinds of advanced tech. Their jets- ships- whatever- were superior to anything we've got, and we've got some impressive stuff, largely thanks to me, of course. But still- they overrode my security systems at practically the push of a button. And those hand-held devices they were using to scan my systems- they weren't Smartphones. And JARVIS still can't pin down what they were scanning for, or how they were even hacking in!"

"I continue to work diligently to answer your questions, sir" JARVIS said crisply.

"Thanks, honey" Tony shot back at the AI.

"Why now? Why, all of a sudden, is it_ War of the Worlds_ around here?" Steve demanded.

An uneasy silence fell over the group. Bruce looked at Steve and Tony. "Remember what Thor said, when the Tesseract was here? That it was a signal to other worlds that Earth was ready for _a higher form of war_."

"So, you guys got rid of the Tesseract, and it's still coming back to bite us on the ass?" Rhodey stated.

"Looks like" Tony said with a sigh.

"We need to talk to Thor" Steve said decisively. "Get him to warn Asgard that someone else is sniffing around for the Tesseract."

"We need to talk to Loki, too." Tony added.

"Think he might know who these new guys are?" Rhodey wondered.

"Maybe. He might have seen or heard something on his strange journey" Steve reasoned.

"Yeah, well, actually, I'm going to thank him, I guess, for getting himself zapped trying to save Pepper. You guys can do all the good-cop bad-cop crap. Or are you saving that routine for Barton?"

Steve's face fell. "No. That's a _mea culpa_ one for me. Maybe you have to thank Loki, but I have to apologise to Barton. He's been spiralling downwards, and I should have seen it, and stepped in sooner. I need to make this right for him."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Capt. This situation is bigger than all of us" Bruce said gently.

Steve opened his mouth to reply, but broke off when a rumbling, rushing sound filled the room.

"Oh, what now?" Tony demanded, suddenly furious again.

The room filled with prismatic, rainbow light, so blindingly pure that the team had to shade their eyes and look away. As rapidly as it started, the noise and light died away, leaving a soft swirling vapour in its wake. In the midst of this haze stood Frigga, Queen of Asgard. She looked around the room, disoriented.

Tony's mouth fell open for the third time that afternoon. He stepped forward, and dropped to a kneel, his head bowed. He couldn't help but smile at the sight of her.

"Your highness. Welcome to New York." Tony said.

Frigga had regained her composure. "Mister Stark, it is good to see you again. But I must ask you to take me directly to my sons."

… … … … …

Vicissitude ends

… … … … …

_Author's notes: So, In the last chapter of _'Notes from a Royal Screw-up' _Loki & Pep & Clint were having the rumble in the Tower with the MYSTERY VILLAINS (have you figured out who they are?) MEANWHILE...The Avengers were being taken on a wild goose-chase. I thought it would be fun to drop in a totally random Alpha Flight reference, and what visit to Canada is complete without a Tim Horton's reference? (also not owned by me!)_

_The aerial fight scene was one of the hardest things I've written. I'm sorry if it was derivative in any way of anything else, but this is just how it worked out, and any similarity to other fictional aircraft fights was quite unintentional. Despite a little research I have no real understanding of aerodynamics, dog fighting or combat manoeuvres; this is fiction, but I hope I painted a picture that made some sense. And then Steve snogged Carol, so YAY!_

_Aslo- the opening conversation between Carol and Steve- I can't possibly be the only one who watches The Avengers movie and gets shirty when they crash the jet onto the street in NY and Capt is flailing around in the back, not strapped in and just holding on... Silly man, sit down! So I wrote that in because someone has to be sensible!_

_Thank you, dear readers, this is where this story arc ends, and there is only one more chapter left in _'Notes from a Royal Screw-up.' _There will be further adventures for Steve and Carol, and maybe, if I can get myself organised, Loki, the Avengers and the Asgardians will team up for a big finale ultimo. Madness! We'll see._

_Thanks for reading, and many thanks for reviewing xx_


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